What happens when you decide to make a choice and live with it, not have any regrets, but then a year later find yourself broken hearted and realizing that you do indeed feel regret? And it’s too late to do anything about it…
Is it ever too late? I’ve always tried my best to make others happy, but know that making myself happy is just as important. I go with my gut, whatever it tells me. But just like a mind, a gut changes it’s feelings. Annoyingly and achingly so. And I prefer to be in the mindset of (I know it’s a silly acronym) YOLO! But seriously, even if we have another life, do we remember it? So as far as I know, we only live once.
Where am I going with all of this? Well I’m admitting a mistake. A big one that was life altering in ways that I wasn’t thinking about at the time of my gut decision. I’ve learned since then to stop and think before making hasty decisions. Make sure you’re really, truly invested in that decision.
In my case, I thought I was clear on my choice and was pretty positive about the sureness of my mind. So I ended it. A relationship. Of COURSE it’s a relationship. I could write a collection of songs about my love life, as I’m sure many women could.
I’ve never wanted to turn back time because I never actually had such a deep regret. And I feel insane for even pondering their existence, but if there were time machines, I’d be in that line to test it out.
I know deep in my heart that whatever’s meant to be, is meant to be. And I trust that, because, I just have to. But I also know that we can’t sit on our laurels and expect things to happen. I am a risk taker, but that’s what got me in this mess in the first place.
But then there is the fact that I am in another relationship now. But have I moved on? Obviously not completely. How does one just replace someone with another person? All the things you did and secret jokes. Do you erase them? Replace them? Tuck them away in your memory?
What happens when they resurface and you’re not prepared to feel something more than just reminiscent?
I teared up at a box of chewing gum today. When we were first dating, my favorite gum at the time was Orbit Sweet mint, and he gift wrapped 4 packs and showed up at my house with it. I know, it’s adorable. But those are the things I wasn’t thinking about when I made my decision a year ago, and when I saw the box at the store today my heart just heaved unexpectedly.