Breaking down

What happens when you decide to make a choice and live with it, not have any regrets, but then a year later find yourself broken hearted and realizing that you do indeed feel regret? And it’s too late to do anything about it…

Is it ever too late? I’ve always tried my best to make others happy, but know that making myself happy is just as important. I go with my gut, whatever it tells me. But just like a mind, a gut changes it’s feelings. Annoyingly and achingly so. And I prefer to be in the mindset of (I know it’s a silly acronym) YOLO! But seriously, even if we have another life, do we remember it? So as far as I know, we only live once.

Where am I going with all of this? Well I’m admitting a mistake. A big one that was life altering in ways that I wasn’t thinking about at the time of my gut decision. I’ve learned since then to stop and think before making hasty decisions. Make sure you’re really, truly invested in that decision.

In my case, I thought I was clear on my choice and was pretty positive about the sureness of my mind. So I ended it. A relationship. Of COURSE it’s a relationship. I could write a collection of songs about my love life, as I’m sure many women could.

I’ve never wanted to turn back time because I never actually had such a deep regret. And I feel insane for even pondering their existence, but if there were time machines, I’d be in that line to test it out.

I know deep in my heart that whatever’s meant to be, is meant to be. And I trust that, because, I just have to. But I also know that we can’t sit on our laurels and expect things to happen. I am a risk taker, but that’s what got me in this mess in the first place.

But then there is the fact that I am in another relationship now. But have I moved on? Obviously not completely. How does one just replace someone with another person? All the things you did and secret jokes. Do you erase them? Replace them? Tuck them away in your memory?
What happens when they resurface and you’re not prepared to feel something more than just reminiscent?

I teared up at a box of chewing gum today. When we were first dating, my favorite gum at the time was Orbit Sweet mint, and he gift wrapped 4 packs and showed up at my house with it. I know, it’s adorable. But those are the things I wasn’t thinking about when I made my decision a year ago, and when I saw the box at the store today my heart just heaved unexpectedly.

Time flies when…

Pictures coming later!! I can’t figure out how to add them to text on the mobile app!!

Helloooo!
Today is Monday! I decided yesterday, as I was packing up my work bag (which always brings a little sadness) that this week is going to be awesoooome. Your time is what you make it right? So I’m going to make it (as Tony the Tiger would say) greeeEAT!

This weekend was so fabulous! The boy and I have been focusing on being more health conscious lately. I’ve always decidedly made good meal choices, but sometimes my cravings get the better of me so I’m trying to really limit my unhealthy snack choices. As everyone knows it is nearly impossible to work in an office and make healthy choices 100% of the time! I put reminders on my phone and look at motivational Instagrams for support. I even made a fitness Instagram account, to track my progress and have visual motivation! Follow me on my journey @linzeepumpsitup :)

So the boy and I allow ourselves one cheat meal per week, usually during the weekend. We choose a place the week before so we can think about it if we feel the urge to make an unhealthy choice. Then on that meal we go pretty HAM lol. But your body needs to refeed, and I want to be happy and live my life without cravings! This helps me stay focused.

So on Friday night we went to a crawfish restaurant. We ordered a big bag of shrimp, Cajun fries, calamari, and garlic noodles. It was intense and delicious! Luckily we couldn’t finish it all haha.

Saturday I had a lovely day to myself! I started at the gym with a back workout, HIIT and cardio. I felt SO GOOD after.

Then I went home and attempted to color my hair, but I used a type I haven’t tried before and it didn’t take at ALL! I used Garnier Olia in a red color. Sorry I don’t have the color number! It made my hair very stringy since it’s an oil-based formula, and since it mostly all rinsed out when I colored it according to the directions, I just washed my hair in the morning, not waiting for the 24 hour period. Buy my hair IS very soft and smooth since coloring.

I baked some protein cookies and had a thick and delicious protein shake, and a big bowl of steamed broccoli and cauliflower.

After cleaning for a while I decided to got shopping! I never have really good luck when I go shopping, but I like just walking around the mall. But guys, every store I went into I found the perfect items I was in the market for! SO exciting haha. I’m going to Hawaii next week (YAY) so I got some clothes, a swim suit and a small messenger bag for my trip. Then I found 2 perfect bras for the price one! It was just a great retail therapy day.

I topped it off with some time with my girls! We went to meet one of my friends new guy she’s dating and his friends.

Then Sunday the boy and I lazed around some. He twisted his ankle so I made him a big plate of eggs and peanut butter toast, and we watched Breaking Bad, followed by a nice dinner at his parents’ house.

'Twas a great weekend and I hope you all have a GREAT week!

My Lanta! You need to calm the farkle down.

Ah Monday, we meet again. The good news is, I’m taking a half day to go see my dentist! I love my tooth dr! I’ve been going to his office forever, and my mom was going to him before I was born, and she got my dad’s whole family to go too! It’s a family affair at Dr. Dombro’s! 

I did not post anything this last couple of weeks, even though I just started this b-log and want to keep up with it. I actually wrote a couple posts but kept them private because they were not very happy and I didn’t want to project that image of myself on the world wide web. 

The last 2 weeks were a really odd time, and I’m hoping to not have to deal with that again. I became unhappy with most things in my life, but changed my mind about what I was unhappy with so frequently that I had no idea where to begin to fix anything. I went from being hopeful that the future would be bright and I would see clearly what was meant for me, to feeling unsure about that because I didn’t want to make a hasty change and end up regretting it, to full on depression because since I didn’t feel like I should make changes, I didn’t know what I was doing anymore. And all I could do was sit in my misery and wait it out. 

Luckily, I am back in full swing positive mode, feeling much happier about everything in my life. And seriously, I really have nothing to complain about. I am so fortunate to have all that I do. But I also know that depression is a very real and serious issue. It’s hard to tell where it comes form or what causes it. It’s so scary to think that your mind can be stuck in such an empty place. Please, if you are feeling depressed, or like you have nothing to live for, seek help! There are so many people out there that can help you overcome this, or at least help you find ways to deal with the day to day situations that seem so hard. 

Back to sunnier topics, the theme of this post is obviously, to just CALM DOWN. That’s what I told myself the whole time I was feeling the fog of misery. My mind just went haywire with too many thoughts and emotions and pressure to fix whatever I thought was wrong. Pressure to know exactly how I should feel, pressure to find out what I want to do for a living, pressure of choosing who I should love. It’s just all TOO MUCH for one moment in time! This weekend the boy and I were trying to decide what to do on Saturday, and we took 3 hours to decide to just do some errands and go for a jog. THREE hours!! Normally we have amazing and fun weekends, and so I think we both feel too much pressure to top every weekend. But in the end, we should just appreciate being together and doing what we need to do, together. Isn’t that what makes relationships so nice?

So everyone, what I’ve learned during these 2 weeks of confusion and misery, is to just STOP putting so much pressure on yourselves. Take your time with whatever you want, take it slow, live moment by moment. And find one thing that you can appreciate every day! Even if it’s something as simple as colored paper clips. They can brighten up the most boring paper bundle! lol. 

Here are some pics of highlights from my weekend!

There are the gorgeous roses the boy brought me on Valentine’s Day :)

We went to the SF Symphony last week! It was pretty fabulous. I felt so fancy! lol

Then Saturday night I had my first crawfish experience! I almost couldn’t do it (look how cute he is!) But I sucked it up (literaly) and actually really enjoyed it!

Then we went to brunch on Sunday for my mumsy’s birthday! We ate at Horatio’s in the East Bay. They had a fab view of the water. I got a pomegranate mimosa! (Once again, feeling quite fancy lol).

They also had a bloody mary bar! Soo many hot sauce choices! I’m not the biggest fan but everyone else loved it!

The end for now! Happy Monday everyone! :)

Guess what day it is.

image

You know.

Had a killer workout yesterday! 10 min warm up, then a burpee with bosu/squat jump/core circuit, weights -chest and back, then steep incline speed walk/flat run intervals for 30 min. I love intervals because it helps my motivation when I have to think about changing the pace every couple minutes. And I LOVE working out! I used to go at least once a day but stopped for a couple months because of my long days, but since I have started up again I realize it’s one of my passions and I am not my complete self without it!

image

Fo sho Elsa! Did we mention that she is also Chris Hemsworth’s wife?? 

I was listening to an audiobook I downloaded from the Overdrive app (super awesome app that lets you borrow ebooks or audiobooks from your local library without having to actually GO there!)…(even though I love the library)…

The book I was listening to was called Summer Blowout by Claire Cook. She also wrote Must Love Dogs (they made a movie with John Cusack and Diane Lane). I really enjoyed the story so it only took me 2 days to finish it. Quite an accomplishment considering I usually can’t finish one in the allotted week they give you before it deletes from your phone! **side note: I just found the setting where you can change your borrowing time to 14 or 21 days** It was about a woman who has a large and complicated family that owns beauty salons. The father is in love with Italy so everything in their family has an Italian theme, even though they are very much of Irish descent. I know the idea sounds a little cheesy but it was so much fun to listen to!

Then I started on Tina Fey’s Bossypants. She narrates it, which is pretty great because she reads it how it’s meant to be read. She’s got some good stories! I enjoy learning about other people’s lives, and true stories can be motivating to make something interesting in your own life. But to me, you can’t beat a good fiction novel. What comes from people’s imaginations amazes me sometimes!

Speaking of doing interesting things with my life, I’ve always been one who is kind of afraid to step outside my comfort zone. I think I just always figured if it looked like something I wouldn’t like, I didn’t feel the need to try. The past few years I have opened up to new things a lot more and it has helped me trust my instincts which has lead to a more awesome life!

image

TRY TRY TRY!! This is a good mantra!

I’ve been in the corporate world for about 2 years now, doing temp work in facilities, HR, Legal, and now I am full time in Corporate Hospitality. I enjoy making people’s work life easier and a little brighter every day, since we all know how wearing this daily grind can be. But that’s also the thing that is kind of clicking my brain into thinking outside the corporate box. I want, NEED to do something more creative to really be happy. I like to be hands-on creative, making things and in the process making people happy.

I am feeling drawn to something but I can’t put my finger on it! I believe if I just keep having hope, welcoming experiences, and keeping my eyes open then what I’m meant to do will happen.

Have a great day!

<3

image

Making the day count

Happy Tuesday!
I woke up with my 5am alarm today, surprisingly easily! I am NOT a morning person, but my commute forces me to find some harmony without the snooze button. To be at work by 7am I must set the alarm to 5am D: it was actually fairly easy the first couple of weeks. I just think of it like, it’s a part of my day so I must do it and be happy about it! I am thankful for my job, that I am doing something relatively related to what I studied in college (Hospitality-not hospitals, more like hotels lol) …(you wouldn’t believe how many people confuse that!)
Anyhooo I drive about 20ish min to the train then take that for about 50-60 min to the glorious city of San Francisco! Then I have about a 20-30 min walk/jog to work from there. Just to clarify, I wear workout clothes to work and change there. Someone asked if I ran to work in my slacks lol! No thanks.

This is a (cropped and zoomed) view from my office building on a gorgeous morning a few weeks ago.

There are always fun things to see along the commute. I try to find great things to share, but a lot of times something will happen so fast I can’t get my phone out in time to snap a photo! I’ll have to sharpen my photog reflexes. 

Now some mid-morning motivation! Word. (PS I love The Rock). One look at his fb feed and you’ll be motivated to head to the iron jungle.